Still Single

This morning, I had a dream about one of my fellow co-workers. His name is Trent; he's thirty (according to his Facebook page); he's been working at Dollar General for six years or so; he's the hardest working person there (not that the others do not work as hard); he's taller than me; and yes, he's definitely cute. Buuuut of course, he's probably in a relationship or he would never think about being in one with me. Amazingly, Sarah said that we would make a cute couple or we would make a good couple or something like that. I would not have a problem if he would at least seem interested in me.

Well, what am I saying? He's a guy. There is not a single guy that would seem into me. I do not want to be an Uncle David or Aunt Lynn. Uncle David was married when he was about forty and started a family when he was forty-one. Aunt Lynn found a guy, probably thought he was "the one", had Tommy. That did not work out and she married Shaun and had Trevor. That did not work out, she met this guy named Ed or something, they did not work out, and she met Bill. Now they have been having problems and she has lost a lot of love for him. She's in her mid-forties. I do not want to be them, including Uncle Daniel or Uncle Kenny. I know that I am only twenty-three, going on twenty-four, and I have my entire life in front of me. But I still do not want to become any of them.

When I was sixteen or seventeen, Pa and Aunt Lynn said that it would take time. But here I am, eight years later and I am still single.

I told Ma that I am about due for a reward in my life. I told her that I spent sixteen or however many years concentrating only on my schooling and not worrying about relationships (though I have had a worry or two along the way). I also told her since I've started working at Dollar General, I have seen female classmates from high school come in with their kids or buy pregnancy tests. She said something in reply about them and I told her that I know but still it is like they are reminding me that I am still single all these years later.

I do not know. I am just sick and tired of being single.

Near-Death/Hospitalization Experience

I had the scariest experience I had in my entire life. A little over two hours ago, Mom and Dad had come home with groceries as usual and the dogs (especially Indie and Peyton) were going crazy. Well, Dad's knees were sore so it was between Mom and me to bring them in. I told her that I would bring them in if she would put everything away. I go inside with four bags of groceries and the dogs are running around and Dad nearly falls down in the front room. He drops to his knees and starts taking control of the dogs.

For my second trip into the house, I had three half cases of pop. I take them in and I can't shut the screen door because of the pop. As I'm backing out of the house, Indie decides to dart out of the house. I try to grab her but in the process I trip backwards. My right hand tries to wrap around the door jamb but it slips because basically there is nothing to it and I go down hard on the top step, right next to the edge. If I went back any further, I would have went down the stairs, either killing myself or ending up in the hospital. The first thing I do after I landed was grab onto Indie. Dad comes out, grabs Indie, and tosses her into the house. After he tosses her, he shuts the inside door.

I'm sitting on the porch, my arms are held up near my chest because I hurt them, my legs are also sore, and also my bottom, especially where my leg and bottom meet. Dad kneels down next to me and asks what hurts and what groceries are left in the truck. I tell him that I will get them and to give me a minute so that I could gather my thoughts. I was in such shock over having nearly gone down that I couldn't think about anything else. Suddenly I start crying and having a little bit of difficulty breathing.

From the point I started crying to when I calmed down must have been a good ten or fifteen minutes. Currently on my right arm, I have a big bruise, a small area where some skin was scrapped off, the outside part of my palm portion was entirely red, and the outer portion of my wrist is sore. On my left arm, I have a small bruise, and from the inner upper portion of my wrist two maybe an inch or two up my arm is red and a little sore. The fingers on both hands are half-way curled because they hurt and feel heavy. My right ankle hurts and my legs are sore if one of the dogs decides to crawl on top of my legs (which poor Kiki made me experience several minutes ago.

I am too scared to fall asleep because I'm afraid I will go through that experience again. Poor Mom and Dad are angry over what happened and are also upset that I experienced that. They were probably scared I was going to end up on the ground. I think Mom said something about wanting to catch me but it happened too quickly.

I know that it's a cliche and that what happened only lasted a few seconds but it felt like forever. Don't people say that your life flashes in front of your eyes when you die or are nearly killed? Well, if it does happen, it didn't happen to me. When I was going down, I only thought that I was going down those stairs and I was not going to be okay. If what I thought is my life flashing in front of my eyes then yes, my life flashed in front of my eyes.

In the end, I am just thankful to be alive.

Stupid Sarah

Stupid Sarah left several minutes ago to get her stupid boyfriend. This is just plain ridiculous. He has spent almost EVERY single night here. Heck, he spent the past two or three nights here with Sarah picking him up, taking him home, picking him up, blah blah blah... And freakin' Dad won't say a freakin' word to her!

Both Mom and I are mad that freakin' Garan that he's spending every night here. I told Mom and Dad that tonight is the very last night he is to ever spend the night here. I also told Dad that if I fail any of my classes, I will kill both of them. I heard Mom tell Dad that Sarah is only taking advantage of us and that she's going to have Sarah start paying rent and NIPSCO and that she has to start making her vehicle payments. I snickered at that because I don't even know how many times they say that and that never happens.

Because Sarah's truck needs a new belt or something, she's been using Mom's truck. It's funny. Before Sarah started using Mom's truck, Dad told Sarah that she was only to use the truck to go to work and come home. NOT to go gallivanting around all over creation. But, obviously he's not forcing it on her.

So, here's what she doesn't do: garbage, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, taking care of Indie, taking care of Peyton, taking care of Kiki, any other cleaning, pay rent, pay NIPSCO, pay Internet, pay on her truck, fix her truck, buy new parts for her truck, pay Mom and Dad back for them buying puppy pads or new parts for her truck, etc.

And here's what she does do: eat our food, drink our beverages, get on the Internet, watch TV, wash her clothes, use the bathroom, use Mom and Dad's money for new parts for her truck, use Mom's truck to pick up and drop off her stupid boyfriend, and everything else that is the opposite of what is listed in the above paragraph.

Once again, I am so sick and tired of Garan spending the night. I wish that she would just frickin' move out. That way I could live happily ever after.

Senior Seminar

And Once Again, Another Dream

Yes, it was about him. No, I do not remember a ton about it. The only thing I remember is that I was driving either my Jeep or the Ford at one point and also that he was spending the night. Why was he spending the night? I do not remember at all.

I am so sick and tired of having these dreams about him. No, I did not think about him when I went to bed. I am thinking that something had better happen if I am having all of these dreams. If something is not going to happen, then freakin' STOP!!! I wish that I would be left alone in peace without all of these stupid dreams.

Yeah. I don't think I'll be left alone anytime soon. Who knows? I'll just have to wait and see.

Latest Video

Yesterday, I completed another video. This time it was a collaboration. I know that I did one a couple of years ago using a few shows. Well, this one is different. Try using eight shows and a Korean song. Well, it was hard trying to find the English lyrics until I remembered that the song was on YouTube with both the Korean and English lyrics. Unfortunately, I had to type all of it out.

I used Kim Young Joo and Jin Se Hee from City Hunter, Lee Shin and Lee Gyu Won from Heartstrings, Jiang Zhi Shu and Yuan Xiang Qin from It Started With A Kiss, Hyung Ki Joon and Gong Ah Jung from Lie to Me, Park Hae Young and Lee Seol from My Princess, Baek Seung Jo and Oh Ha Ni from Playful Kiss, Kang Ji Wook and Lee Yeon Jae from Scent of a Woman, and Hwang Tae Kyung and Go Mi Nam/Go Mi Nyu from You're Beautiful.

I didn't include the English lyrics on the video because I thought that the video wouldn't look good with lyrics on the video. When I watched it after saving it to the computer, I was on the verge of crying because it was so well made and it was meant to be a sad video (because of the lyrics) and it ended up being sad. I love my video so much. I think I've been watching it like crazy because it is such a beautiful video.

Once Again, HIM

Yesterday, he came over. Here's how it all started: Dad had gone to the laundromat to dry his clothes. When he came home, I stepped outside to see if he needed help. When I got closer to the sidewalk to the point where I could see the driveway across the street, I saw that he had gotten out of the Jeep. Even though my eyesight is not all that great, I could tell that it was him from a distance. Unfortunately, my stomach did jump when I first spotted him. I asked Dad, "You got it?" as in, "Can you carry it or do you need me to take it?" He said that he had it and so I proceeded to open the door for him.

When he said hi to me, I quickly said hi to him. No, I did not look at him. When he was still in the house when I was getting ready to head back up to school, I did not look at him. When Indie was wanting to go out, he asked about which leash was hers and I said that the lead is outside.

When I was walking off of the porch to go to Dad's Jeep, he said something to me. I think it was like "bye" or "drive safely" or something like that. But anyway, I didn't reply him or anything. When I had pulled out of the driveway just enough to see who was sitting on the porch, I think I saw someone wearing green on the porch. I think it might have been him because Dad would be wearing his hat and I don't think he was wearing green. So, anyway. Yeah. He showed up yesterday.

Kiki

Between two Thursdays, two Fridays, and last weekend ago, I wanted to write a post about Kiki. So, here it is. A week and three days late.

We ended up getting Kiki two days before we were supposed to get her. We were supposed to get her last Saturday but we ended up getting her that Thursday. So, here she is.

Yeah, she has ended up becoming my shadow. That Thursday night, she slept with Sarah. Then, when I let her sleep with me that Friday night because I knew Garan would be spending the night and blah blah blah, she stayed in my room all Saturday and ended up becoming my shadow. She is still my sister and Mom and Dad are still her parents, no matter what Dad says. If I leave the house for one second to get one of the leads to let the dogs out, she'll whine. If I leave for school, whine. If I shut the bathroom or my bedroom door, whine.

She has gotten used to being around Peyton and Indie. She's know going after Indie when she wants to play. And when Peyton and Indie are playing, Kiki wants in on the fun.

I guess Kiki is getting used to the fact that I leave some days. After I got back from interviewing someone from a local newspaper, Dad said that Kiki didn't whine when I left. So, I think that she is getting used to the fact that I leave. And she might be getting the idea that I always come back.

Well, that's all for now. I'll post a photo of Peyton, Indie, and Kiki sometime. Just not right now because it's on my camera and I don't feel like getting up.

A New Puppy

Well, what can I say? We are getting another dog.

Yes. That does mean that we will have three dogs in the house. Her name is Kiki and she is, I've been told, a little over a year old. I guess that she is a Shi Tzuh and Chihuahua mix. We are taking her in because she is a rescue. You know how we are when it comes to rescue dogs. You know that we can never say no and that we always take them in.

When Mom told me that we were looking at getting another dog, I was like, "No... No... We already have two... Talk to Dad..." And then, a couple of days later, I was told that Kiki is a rescue. Then it was like, "Okay. Now that's a different story and only because Dad said that it was okay."

Yeah, I guess we are getting her Saturday because both Mom and Denise are not working. I told Mom that we will need to buy Kiki one of those little shirts because she has stringy hair from what I was told and from what I could see from photos taken of her. I also told Mom that we might as well get a farm because that is what the house is turning into.

Three dogs.

Aish!!

Blue Man Group Tickets

As you will recall, last month, there was a meltdown between me, Mom, and Dad because we had to do a wedding on April 21, the day of the Blue Man Group tickets that I had gotten for Dad.

Well, today, he told me that he had some good news for me. I said, "What did I do?" He said something along the lines of, "I said 'good news.'" He then told me that the wedding for April 21 was canceled. After he said that, I jumped up and down and practically screamed. Mom was smiling and I think laughing. I don't recall what Dad's reaction was to me jumping and screaming.

So, yay! We get to see Blue Man Group. Now my graduation weekend is not ruined. I can't wait.

E-Mail from HIM

I checked my Hotmail account this morning in chapel. I checked my Junk folder and there was a shocking sender. You won't believe who it was. It was him. Yes, him. He didn't say anything in it. He had only sent a picture of Sasuke and Sakura and in the subject line wrote "Picture that you might like." I saw that it was sent on the twelfth.

When I saw that he had e-mailed me, I was like, What the heck! When I read the subject line, I was once again like, Let me guess, he sent me a photo of him and his girlfriend. When I saw the picture, I was so shocked. I was, yet again, like, Why in the world did he send me a photo of Sasuke and Sakura? Why does he remember that I like them?

No, I did not respond to him or anything. I do not plan on doing it. Heck, I do not even plan on talking to him at all. I figure that if one day, when I am at home alone and he comes over to give us a wedding invitation for his marriage with his girlfriend, I will bow to him like they do in all of the Korean dramas I have watched so far and I will not say a word. Why should I treat him as an old friend by talking to him like friends do? We have never been friends and we will never be friends. Heck, there was never a relationship between us and there never will be any type of relationship. This is what I will do: Speak when asked to and bow to him.

Why Don't They Just Drop Dead?

Yesterday, to put it in simple terms, SUCKED!

I got home after school and Dad was on the phone with Uncle David. After I came out of the bathroom and he was off of the phone, I was like, "Let me guess... We have to work." And he said that we had to. That set me off. I started crying.

Okay, it's not about working, it's more about the day we have to work. April 21st. That is the day of graduation rehearsal and, on top of that, Blue Man Group. Okay, here I am, again crying.

To put it simply, it got hellish in here: I yelled at him, he yelled at me, he yelled at Mom, Mom yelled at him, he broke things, I threw things...

Mom and I talked when she drove to the laundry mat and we both agreed that he doesn't have the balls to tell his stupid brother no. Then, around seven or eight last night, when I was wanting the key so that I could go to school for the entire night to get away from everybody and do homework while there, I told Mom, yet again, directly in front of Dad that he chooses his brother over his own family!

And that's true. It's always been about Uncle David. When has it ever been about one of us? NEVER!! And that just irks me off to no extent.

So, in the end, I wasted $188 on him to buy Blue Man Group tickets. So now, I am probably going to sell them or something that way the tickets don't go to waste. So, on the day right before my graduation and after graduation rehearsal, I have to work. All because my stupid, idiotic, f***ing, so-called "father" chooses his own brother over me.

And we were going to celebrate my graduating and him liking Blue Man Group by going to see Blue Man Group.

I just wish that both of my so-called "parents" would DROP DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three Things, One Post

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I know that I am late on the Christmas post and the New Year post. But still...

Number One: For Christmas, I got an external hard drive for my computer, a Christmas bear, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Of course, when I saw Harry, I screamed. Why? Because I love Harry oh so much to no extent that I am not even putting in any punctuation marks because this can be like one entire sentence and I don't think I can stop any time soon because this is how much I love Harry - Okay, Jamie! Chill! Sorry.

Anyway, when Sarah opened up one of her presents, she was like, "Oh, my God!" It was a calendar of Marilyn Monroe whom she loves most of all. When Mom opened her present of two coloring books and a box of crayons, she cried because Grandma Carol always colored. Garan (Sarah's current boyfriend and who was spending Christmas with us) did not know why Mom was crying and so Sarah whispered the reason why to him. And when Mom opened up her big present of a Paula Deen cooking set, Mom nearly screamed. When Dad opened up his present of Blue Man Group tickets, if I recall, he was shocked or amazed or something to that extent. I would have to watch the video of everyone's reactions to their presents.

Number Two: New Year's wasn't much. When the fireworks were going off in the area on New Year's Eve and going off at Amish Acres to start the New Year, Peyton was going off. Mom took Indie outside along with Dad and me. I think Indie froze because her hair was medium length and the fact that it was around freezing outside. Other than that, not much.

Number Three: He came over today. Actually, it would be yesterday since I started writing this after the clock turned for the second day of the New Year. So, if I say "today," I mean "yesterday." I think you get what I mean. So, anyway, when Mom got home after work, Dad and she talked about him. At one point, I heard Dad say that he is trying to save up money to buy his girlfriend a ring and ask her to marry him. I heard that and I was like, No. That can't be happening. I'm sorry. Give me a moment. I'm sorry. I just had to spend three or four minutes crying. When I thought about it three or four, maybe five, hours ago, I thought, Now that he's going to be getting married, I will certainly be the last person in our graduating class to be married. Heck, I'm probably the only one that is not in a relationship. No, scratch that. The only one that has never been in a relationship.

I wish that I never heard that. I wish that he would be waiting for me. But these are only false hopes.

Here are two songs I feel fits how I feel right now: "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt and "Soulmate" by Natasha Bedingfield. I think Bonnie's fits just perfect. But... Yeah.